Monday, January 25, 2010

Love, love, love

This is a very exciting day for me because I have FINALLY realized what I want to give my speech over. It's about a friendship that has lasted ever since the first grade. Is our friendship as strong now as before? Of course not; however, I still love this girl and realize now that I will still always be there for her. I have been blessed with so many friends and people who love me.

I am not excited about working tomorrow. I hate my job more than I love getting paid. I've been stuck at the same job for almost three years now, have yet to get a raise, and still live with my parents. I know I'm only 18 years old, but how about SOME sense of independence! I would give anything to just be able to go to school without having to work. But oooooooh no. I have to live in a family that strongly believes in building character. Truthfully, I believe that working at New Market has changed me for the worst.

Maybe being an adult means not doing what's best for you but rather what's best for everybody else.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Spring in January

I woke up to the sound of my alarm yelling at me to get ready for church. I quickly disregarded my mother's feelings and went back to sleep anyway. I woke up in a fog and have yet to come out of it. I ran the usual Sunday errands with my mom, aside going to church, and found myself overwhelmed with memories; some were good and some were bad.

Every Sunday my mom and I make a trip to the Yorkhouse, an assisted living home in Marion, to visit my dementia- stricken grandma. I stepped out of the house and was enveloped in an unusual scent that isn't usually sensed this time of year. The smell of spring filled the air and I soon found that my winter jacket wasn't needed for today's weather. It still remains cloudy, yes, but it was a beautiful surprise nonetheless. During the drive to the Yorkhouse I was lost in constant daydreaming. I rarely have a chance to reflect on my childhood, but the more I do the more I realize that I have forgotten what it's like to be a child. Even though, in the broad sense of the word, I am one.

I can't even remember the last time I found endless joy in just running through the yard or playing tag with my bestfriends. Even such a fun game as softball eventually became impossible to enjoy because of the strict emphasis on winning or, even worse, the idea of the other team losing. I miss my childhood. I realize now that time passes you by whether you want it to or not. In the words of Ferris Bueler, "life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

When Mom and I finally arrived at the Yorkhouse we dragged our feet down the hall to my grandma's room. We knocked three times with a sigh and Grandma discretely opened the door with a great big smile and words of welcome. We proceeded to spend the rest of the hour discussing how Grandma came to the Yorkhouse and the events proceeding Grandpa's death a little over a year ago. Is the conversation progressed, I began looking around the room. Seeing visions of Grandpa, I began to daydream about how it would be if he were still around. Paul was the closest thing I've every had to a grandpa. Around 11 years ago my grandma met a wonderful man and together they decided to spend the rest of their lives together. I was very young at the time, but I loved Paul dearly. I can still feel his hugs and smell his scent. I can hear distinctly the sound of his voice addressing me as "pretty girl" and see his smile. He was one of the kindest men that I have ever known. Not only was he an angel to me, he cared for my grandma very much and wanted to make sure that she was always taken care of.

People really do come into our lives for all sorts of reasons. Today was a good day filled with good memories.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Hello Everyone!

I've decided that, on my judgment day, I don't want to look back on my life wishing I had done more or possibly done things differently. I believe that in the end we will wish that we had spent less time obsessed with what people think and more time enjoying our lives and the people around us. I feel that I have already wasted many years caring about what other people think; there are probably many more years to come that I will waste. Things take time and changing your outlook on life is no exception. Changing what has become routine is no easy task.

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"-Robert Schuller. This has become one of my favorite quotes. I am so afraid to fail that I end up missing out on a lot of "could be" great opportunities. I'm stuck at a job I hate and constantly wonder if I'm making the right choice concerning my major. I love helping people do things that they can't do for themselves. I believe that if your life isn't spent helping someone else, trying to make the world a better place, then it's not worth it. Why were we put on this earth if not to help? From this comes true happiness and content. This is love at its best; however, what if I'm meant for something else. The "bum life" is quite appealing to me, but it wouldn't be fulfilling.

I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I lived it to the fullest. I want to have fun; I want to love and be loved; I want to smile; I want to live without regrets.