Eyes Unseen

I find myself most days sitting here on the computer, playing the same song over and over. Today I've chosen, "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional. There's something blissful about finding the right song for the day. When you think about it there's a song for every kind of day; songs for anger, joy, pure hatred for the world and the people inhabiting it, and for redemption of the day after. The right song connects you to the world. It makes you wake-up and gives you a reason to go on living. Many interest groups blame music for the increasing number of suicides in the nation, but I blame the interest groups... and LSD since I'm on the subject. Maybe generations before mine didn't need music to get them from one day to the next. I think I can safely speak for my generation when I say that we do.

I am currently stuck at a job that has forced me to see the bad side of people. I grew up believing that, when if came down to it, people were actually human and were okay with being just that. I've been at my job for three years now, and find that I can no longer look people in the eye. Does mankind have to be so scary that we can't even look at each other anymore? It's amazing what you can find out about people just by actually looking at them. I suppose I've come to associate eye contact with yelling and being put down; people can be good, but they can be ugly if you give them the chance, too.

Life is one big roller coaster. Every single day is different from the last. I can't help but wonder though... does it change for the worse? I find myself constantly evolving, but look around me and see that I've become exactly what I always use to try to stay clear of.

I've officially declared myself a Journalism major... and Agnostic. Neither one, in my eyes, is bad; however, I grew up in a Christian community, in a Christian household, with Christian friends. All I have experienced while growing up is judgment, discrimination, and hate. Robert Frost said, "don't be Agnostic. Be something!" I'd rather be Agnostic than responsible for any of the things that I just mentioned. Someone who is Agnostic neither believes in nor denies the god/s of any religion. I would personally feel a whole lot better about myself if I found religion in my own way and on my own terms. I don't want to participate in a religion simply because that's the way I was raised.

I'm not proposing the idea that any religious person is judgmental, discriminating, or hateful... ALL of us are those things. I just don't want my god to be held responsible. I believe the only true believer of a religion loves people no matter who they are or what they do. That's what all of us should really do. I am, also, not saying that religions don't promote this belief, but hardly anyone acts on is. After all, "no Agnostic ever tortured or burned somebody at the stake"... I know somebody said this, but I'm not taking the time to look it up. Instead I'm going to take my dog on a walk and come back to read.