Monday, February 8, 2010

It feels like home to me

Just when you think that you have everything figured out... life happens. Something jabs you in the side with what feels like a butter knife. That knife, while it seems to be a horrible punishment from karma or some other outside force, is what's going to save you. No one should walk through life trying to find meaning. Maybe life is just suppose to be lived; you can't live life always worrying about things that are completely out of your control or spend your time contemplating an answer to, most likely, insignificant coincidences. All that we can expect from ourselves is that we will make mistakes. That is the only thing we can count on each and every day.

Life doesn't last forever. Duh, right? The only thing most of us have in common is that we're all going to die. I'm pretty sure that someone famous said that, but I'm not sure who. It was probably Bob Dylan... and many of you who know me would assume that I'm the expert when it come's to Bob Dylan quotes. I've given up on trying to be an expert on anything. All you truly need is love... the Beatles wrote some form of that sentence.

While we're on the subject of love, how can one truly feel love for everyone in the world? I feel like I'm living a double life some days. I love my friends from high school. I would do anything for them as I am sure they would for me; however, I'm surrounded by people who are completely different from what I'm use to. And to tell you the truth I love them too. Do we have to make a choice as we grow up? Is it possible to keep close, or in contact at least, with everyone we love? As a future Special Education teacher I realize that I am going to have to take life more seriously and take care to the choices I make. I plan to clean up my facebook and make major adjustments to my lifestyle.

I feel so empty at this point. Right now I am only responsible for myself. I want someone who has needs that I can put above my own. I want someone to spend time with on a deeper lever, to have fun with, to love. Good things come to those who wait. I'm not rushing anything anymore. When I do it always puts me farther back.

Much love,


  1. As the older and wiser one here! lol jk I found the same issue with loving friends when I first left for school. I was afraid of losing my friends, but you will find in time you will slowly grow apart little by little. You will always have a lasting connection with them, but at the end of the day you have to take care of yourself first. Your happiness should be your first priority. It sounds like you are the one making all the effort to keep in touch with people. It's ok, be a little bit selfish, do what you wanna do. Meet new people. The next group of friends you make in your college years will probably be the ones who share the same dreams and interests as you. They will be the ones who will be in your life on a daily basis forever. Your high school friends will always leave footprints on your heart. They will always have a special place. But your next friends and your next love will make it easier to let them go.

    This is all just my opinion. I am not Dr. Phil. crwritingczar is a fictional character. haha

  2. First off... you may be older but it is yet to be determined whether or not you are wiser. lol ;).

    Now... I realize that I've come to a fork in the road, if you will, and I can choose between one way or the other. Some days I feel that I truly want to be successful according to the rest of the world's standards. I want to pay my bills, avoid debt, and make a name for myself. I want to meet new people and attain a new, exciting lifestyle.

    On the other hand, Dr. Phil, I love the feeling I have when I'm with my friends. It's like, even for a brief moment, I am in touch with my soul. This is the moment when things seem most clear for me and I come closer to finding out what it means to truly live. This part of my life is most sacred to me and I can't let it go. I do agree, however, with what you said about us growing apart little by little. It has already begun to happen. This is just a weird phase in my life and I'm caught between wanting to re-live it for the rest of my life and moving on and experiencing something that is possibly even greater.